I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im six kinds of drunk right now
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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