Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
well, you know. whores of a feather.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
