she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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