Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
