I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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