Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I will pee on everything he values.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
