I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
