There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
