his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize