he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
