Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
