It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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