Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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