i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize