i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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