Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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