I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
