Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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