Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
