that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
