wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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