Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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