his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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