She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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