some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
