i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
