I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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