I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
