My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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