i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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