i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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