I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
