You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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