it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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