Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
