It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just invented taco cereal.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
