your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
