Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
