thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
