It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
