Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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