You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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