I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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