so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize