I'm gonna have a badass scar
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
