Got a toothbrush?
i love accidental penises.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
