More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
