PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
