This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
