I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
