how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
