You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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