I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
