I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
