Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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