very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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