I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
