Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
