Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
