how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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