I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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