I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
